Over the last four years, we have witnessed historic change. With the reelection of President Barack Hussein Obama, it is clear that many more changes are in store for the good ole U.S. of A. But whether you love him or loathe him, there is little denying that he has advanced the technical capabilities of our government. For now, common, decent, ordinary, God-fearing citizens can take their troubles, concerns, and solutions directly to “The Man” himself.
I’m talking about petitions.
And yet it is this powerful tool that may be our Commander in Chief’s undoing. For there is one petition to rule them all, one petition to find them, one petition to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.
With one selfless act, the internet could band together. We could annihilate the communist-liberal-socialist-Muslim agenda and forge a new political empire. For Obama has scorned and neglected a powerful, vocal and downtrodden minority. A minority quite used to oppression and downtroddenness. One that is prepared to rise up, organize, and let our voices be heard so that our dreams and aspirations can finally come true. We may once again be free to bear arms proudly against all who oppress us through excessive regulation, endless bureaucracy, and action-less political posturing.
Yes, one petition.
When our government has failed, it is our sworn patriotic duty to throw off the bonds of oppression, and to build…A Death Star.
Yes, I know, it’s a bit of a pipe dream, but then again, so is secession. Let’s face it, instead of fragmenting the United States further, the real solution to our social problems is further consolidation of power. Nothing, I repeat NOTHING, screams “consolidated power” like a fully-operational space station capable of reducing an entire planet to a field of debris. The Death Star is the ultimate end game in military conquest. It’s checkmate, game over, the Deus Ex Machina of the military industrial complex. With the completion of such a station, America could achieve the ultimate in Manifest Destiny. We could finally take our rightful place of completely dominating the globe, nay…the GALAXY.
All of our troubles would be solved. Our economic system would fall by the wayside as our struggle over scarce resources is replaced by infinite space and near infinite new worlds. We would be wealthy beyond imagine, and no power in the ‘verse could stop us (provided we fix any engineering flaws involving exhaust ports).
But time is running out. The petition to build a Death Star still needs over 7,000 signatures to reach the President’s desk, and the deadline is Thursday. Nerds, Power Mongers, Dark Lords of the Sith, unite with me and the 17,000 other forward thinking individuals who support total Galactic domination.Together we can roll the dice and strike a critical hit against ineffective governance. Together we can make our science fantasies a social reality.
James W. Shewmake, Dark Lord of the Alaska Commons